Sidemen Mad Ting
by LadBattle5
Summary: The Sidemen decide to bang each other at night, but in a short time, it escalates into a murder ting. People get shot and choke on condoms.
1. Chapter One

JJ stared intently into Simon's eyes. Simon took a step forward and smiled at JJ.

"I can see by your look that you want to do something with me tonight," said Simon.

JJ broke the gaze and started panicking. "No," he replied. "And what about your girlfriend? Talia wouldn't be happy!"

Simon laughed. "I don't care about Talia anymore! I just want you!"

"I'm sorry Simon," JJ said, "I'd love to make my fantasies real with you, but I can't."

"Why not?" Simon's desperate voice echoed across the room.

"Because I've wanted to bang someone else for a long time now," JJ said. "Me and Randolph are going to try each other tonight."

Simon was close to tears. "Randolph? But what about me?" Simon took his glass off the kitchen table and threw it at JJ.

"I'm sorry, Simon," JJ said, before running into the corridor, avoiding another glass.

.

Josh sat on his desk, playing Golf with Ethan and Vik on the mic. Simon was a bit offended that they hadn't invited him to play. Simon thought that if he couldn't get JJ, he would settle for the second best option, Josh. Josh ended the call and sat up.

"Josh," Simon said. Josh looked round at his friend. Josh smiled.

"Is it time?" He asked.

"Yes," Simon replied. "Remember to take a condom."

"But what about Talia?" Josh asked.

"She won't know. And if she does, then we'll make this relationship long distance."

.

Vik enjoyed the bath water. It was smooth, and wet. While he bathed, he imagined sticking his penis into a woman. That made him smile.

"We're young," a voice spoke. Vik looked up. It was Harry. "How about I climb in the bath with you?" Harry jumped in the bathtub. "You know," said Harry, "the Sidemen all accuse me of incest. But I don't let it get to me. And they accuse you of pedophilia. How about we bang each other to prove them all wrong?"

"Yeah," Vik smiled. "How?"

"Let us find out tonight," Harry smiled. And then he put his dick in Vik's bum.


	2. Chapter Two

JJ and Randolph crept into their bedroom. "Turn the light off," JJ said.

"But I want a better view," Randolph sighed.

"Fam, you don't bang with the lights on!" JJ shouted. "That's not how it works!"

"Wait," Randolph exclaimed as JJ flipped the switch.

"No, the light's staying off," JJ groaned.

"No, do you hear that?" Randolph said with a worried tone. JJ allowed himself to hear. It was a light moaning with some rustling, coming from the bed. JJ rushed up to the bed and pulled down the covers to see Simon and Josh having a mad one in the bed.

.

"Simon," JJ yelled. Simon smiled, but his smile vanished as Randolph pulled out a gun.

"Simon, what's good?" Asked Randolph. "Now get out of the bed or I will use this on you." Simon and Josh both climbed out of the bed. Josh looked scared, but Simon had an angry look on his face. The four naked lads were a weird sight for Talia when she walked through the door.

"Simon!" Screamed Talia as she stepped through.

"It's not what you think," Simon said, alarmed. "I'm not banging all ththree of them tonight. Only one."

"Simon, I don't think we can be together if you're gay. It's fine, but you could've told me. I need to tell Vikk and Harry this is happening" Talia laughed. Simon grabbed Randolph's gun off him.

"And I don't think we can be together if you can't keep a secret," Simon said, as he lifted the gun and pierced Talia's chest.

"You idiot!" Randolph screamed as he lunged for Simon, who quickly shot Randolph in the stomach. Unfortunately, this woke Vik and Harry, who climbed the stairs and entered the room, and found the three naked lads and the two dead bodies on the floor.

"Nani?" Screamed Vik. "You're all gay?"

"Yeah, but listen now," JJ said.

"You don't need to explain," Harry laughed. "We're here to bang too! And since there's three extra people, why don't we all bang each other? Also why are there two dead bodies?"

.

Jabari was busting some sick skating moves at the park when he got a notification on his phone from YouTube. "MAN LIKE JABARI!" He exclaimed as he walked off his skateboard. The new video was from the sick Sidemen channel, and was titled: 'KSI, Zerkaa, Miniminter, Vikkstar123, W2S Porn. We Bang each other then bury Randolph.' It was a livestream. Jabari's instincts were to click every new Sidemen video, because they're all mad, but he didn't want to click on something that wasn't family friendly. So he closed his phone and resumed his sick skating moves.


	3. Chapter Three

"Guys, we should stop. I've nutted about six times," Harry said, tired.

"Ok, I'll stop the livestream," JJ said.

"Livestream?" Josh screamed.

"Oh," JJ said, a sad look on his face. "The Sidemen channel's been terminated." He was shaking when he turned around.

"That's because you filmed our whole mad ting," Simon said.

"I know," JJ explained, "But we worked so hard for everything on that channel. Starting it over's a bit long. Why don't we all resume what we were doing?"

"You - you don't know what you're doing!" Simon shouted. "You got the Sidemen channel terminated. We've lost everything!" He picked up a knife and tried to stick it into JJ's chest. He missed, stabbing the bed instead. JJ threw Simon across the room, and the back of his head hit Josh. Josh became aware of his surroundings. The only thing that was near him was a condom. He picked it up and put it around Simon's head. Then he pulled it will all his force. Josh could hear Simon's noises of pain, but he didn't do anything. This was for the best. Simon had killed two people and was about to kill three. Suddenly, Simon stopped screaming and went limp. Vik, Harry, JJ and Josh had now snapped into reality. It seemed as if the one hour of doing a madness under the covers and killing each other was a dream. JJ wept over Randolph's body, as Vik and Harry proposed to bury the bodies. Josh could only stand and watch the scene.

.

Jabari walked over to the alpha male corner shop and bought a box of eggs. Then he sat on the wall, and while humming Beerus to himself, ate the raw eggs. They were peng, even though he choked on the shell. Then, he spotted two lads walking down the street. It was Tobi and Ethan from the Sidemen! He walked up to them and asked for a photo, which they took. Then, Tobi's phone rang and he picked it up. He sounded worried. "All three of them are dead?" He asked, shocked. Then, he hung up. "We need to go to the Sidemen house!"

They ran as fast as they could, until they reached the Sidemen house. Tobi went to open the door, before he realised he had no hands. Then, he faded away into the air. Ethan tried to figure out what happened, but he dissolved as well. Jabari was left confused. But then, from a window in the house, a figure could be seen, wearing an Infinity Gauntlet.

"Bit mad," said Jabari, as he finished the egg.

.

Josh decided not to come to the burial; it would be too depressing. He only heard the sound of crying from downstairs. And then, something broke the silence. Vik's scream: :No, Harry! That's Necrophilia!" JJ and Vik rushed upstairs, holding Harry back.

"But she looked even more peng dead!" Harry yelled.

"Pass the gun," JJ told Josh. Josh obeyed, and the next second, Harry was on the floor with a bullet wound on his head. Vik turned around.

"We're all dead," Vik said. "Us three, Tobi and Ethan are the only Sidemen left! No more Sidemen videos. There's nothing to do but have fun, lads!" He opened a condom and put it on his head. He laughed, but when he came to take it off, he couldn't do anything. "It's stuck!" He screamed, his cries muffled. Then, he dropped onto the floor.

"Suck my ting," JJ said to Josh.

"Now?" Josh replied. "All our friends are dead."

"Exactly," JJ smiled. "What else is there to do?" Josh closed his eyes as he reached his mouth for a sticky ting. But all he got was a mouthful of dust, which he choked on. He looked up. JJ was gone. But in the doorway, stood JJ's father with a full Infinity Gauntlet, smiling at Josh. Josh went to stand up, but his legs were fading into nothing: into dust. There was nothing he could do.

"Mr Olatunji, I don't feel so good."


End file.
